How do I explain to my mother that I will not allow her to have my children with out my husband or I present?

I had a very rough childhood. My mother had a drinking problem%26amp; was often verbally and mentally abusive. Despite her failure as a mother, she seems to love my DD %26amp; DS very much. However, she has VERY outdated ideas and info on child-rearing and often questions my decisions(even though I have a degree in Child Dev). We feel very strongly about our children's routine and nutrition, but she seems to think we are too rigid. My mother lives several states away, so we only have to be around her once or twice a year. She thinks I'm "anal" b/c I don't allow her to babysit or take my children on outings w/o my DH or I present, especially b/c I allow my in-laws to have them often. I have explained that my in-law respects our wishes so she gets to have the kids, but mom still argues about it. We let her spend time with them, just supervised. I know mom wouldn't treat my kids like she did me, but she cant even go a day w/o having several drinks. How do I let mom know my feelings w/o hurting her

How do I explain to my mother that I will not allow her to have my children with out my husband or I present?
I think you've answered your own question: you just be very up front and honest with her. You can still be compassionate, but you must be firm - they are your children.





PS - what the hell is a DD, DS, and DH??
Reply:Your mom knows that you want your routines and rules followed, but she is still arguing with you.


She refuses to respect you as a mother. Whether or not she is "hurt" by the fact that you are trying


to be a good mother - something she clearly wasn't - really doesn't matter. What matters is that


you keep your kids SAFE, and you are doing that. I really wouldn't try to "explain" anything to


her. She knows the rules, and she argues about it all, so there's nothing to explain. Just tell her no!


If she doesn't like it, oh well. Quite frankly, I'm not so sure I would even allow the kids around her


*with* supervision, since she still drinks every day.





Good Luck





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